


My Great Sin (Heronstairs AU)

by ayfurryy



Category: Infernal Devices Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-06-06
Updated: 2014-06-07
Packaged: 2018-02-03 14:50:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 733
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1748507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ayfurryy/pseuds/ayfurryy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Will Herondale is closed off completely. He's depressed and in love with his best friend, James.</p>
<p>James "Jem" Carstairs is calm and accepting. He tries his hardest to break down Wills walls and find out what's really going on.</p>
<p>But when Will finally does crack, how will Jem react to his dark secrets?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Day 1

Dear Journal,

My sister, Cecily, suggested I keep a journal to record my feelings. Because apparently I'm too "depressing". So, here it goes: 

All day I stuck by Jem, keeping my head down and pushing past people in the halls.

I didn't say much today besides a few snide comments, but then again, when do I ever say anything besides when I'm being sarcastic?

I don't want to let people in. You could say I'm scared, even. I push everyone away. It's not good to do that, I know. Yet somehow Jem made a crack in my wall, and he's stuck by me, and been my best friend for 5 years. I don't know why. I'm not a good person.

Am I supposed to tell a journal who I am? I've never done this before. But I guess I will.

My name is William Herondale. I'm 17 years old, and I go to a high school in London. My very best (and only) friend is James Carstairs (Jem), and I am in love with him. I guess I should have mentioned that before. 

He is the most important person in my life. He's always there for me, even when I'm a bastard to him. But besides being the kindest person I've ever met, he's also the most beautiful. He has dark hair like mine, but dark eyes, unlike my blue ones. He's very thin and tall. Beautiful. 

Um, enough about Jem. My family consists of my mother, my father, and my sister Cecily. I had another sister, Ella, but she passed away a few years ago due to cancer. I still miss her.

My family and I are not close. I don't tell them anything. The only person I could be considered "close" to is Cecily, but that's just because I'm overly protective of her.

My parents like to blame my lack of interaction and constant moping on depression. I don't know if that's really it. Maybe it is. I suppose it's my fault, though. But I can't really talk to people at school, because they all know me as "Will Herondale, that one depressed kid that follows James Carstairs around". 

Girls have told me that I'm attractive before. I don't really care- I bat for the other team.

Nobody knows that I'm gay, either. There's NO way I'm telling Jem, and since my family knows absolutely nothing about me...

I have to go now. My mom says that it's dinner. Not that I want to go to dinner, but oh well.

Sincerely,   
Will.


	2. Day 2

MGS- CHAPTER 2

Dear Journal,

Today my parents made me go to the movie theater so Cecy could go see The Fault in Our Stars. I thought it would suck and be a cliche love story, but I may or may not have cried a little.

I see everyone in relationships and everyone is happy, especially in movies. Life doesn't have a happy ending. Well, TFIOS didn't have a happy ending. But still.

I feel like this all just relates back to my thing for Jem. It's hard being gay. I have to hide it from everyone. Jem always bugs me about having a crush on someone. I lie and say I don't.

Today I scratched myself, too. I try to restrain myself from cutting. I've been doing really good, too. I want to but I never have. So I scratch myself with my own nails, or anything sharp enough to leave a scratch and not cut through the skin. It leaves a sense of relief for me. I know I shouldn't, but I do.

I'm never going to show someone this journal until I die. If Jem is still alive when I die, I'll give it to him. He deserves to see what I'm hiding from him. My crush, my depression, my self harm... 

A new girl came to our school. She was pretty, but she didn't interest me whatsoever, obviously. Her name is Theresa Gray, but she told all the teachers to call her Tessa. Jem seemed to like her. He even told me that he thinks she's pretty. It kind of hurt. But I shouldn't get my hopes up. Jem is obviously straight, so I don't know why I get jealous all the time. It's stupid. 

I should probably go now. I'm in math class, and the teacher keeps looking over at me. Bye.

Sincerely,  
Will.


End file.
